


her name was betsy...

by hey_you_with_the_face



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: (I suppose), Canon Compliant, Crack, M/M, The Boys discover Tumblr, and shipping, feels snuck in here somewhere, or least it was supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_you_with_the_face/pseuds/hey_you_with_the_face
Summary: In which the boys discover tumblr and shipping and begin driving Bitty insane...





	her name was betsy...

**Author's Note:**

> I....I have no explanation for this....

It all started when the boys discovered tumblr.

“You know,” Ransom asked one afternoon as Bitty, Ransom, and Holster sat at the kitchen table. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a kitchen when you weren’t baking or cooking something. Are you like, sick or something?”

Bitty huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. He had come back from class to find Ransom diligently highlighting one of his textbooks while Holster studied i.e. texted on his phone and decided to work at the table rather than up in his room. It wasn’t as if he were doing school work (though he did have a French test on Friday…) so he enjoyed the company though now he was wondering if he’d made the right choice. “While it is rare thing, I do sometimes just sit in a kitchen.”

Holster, giving up the pretense that he was actually working, stood up and stretched. “What are you working on anyway?” he asked, walking over towards where Bitty sat typing away. Even if Bitty had known what was going to be the result down the line, he wouldn’t have been able to close out of the site (he still needed to save his draft) before Holster’s bulk was suddenly looming over his shoulder. “And what’s tumblr?”

“It’s a website where people blog and fanboy/fangirl over their favorite stuff,” Lardo’s voice said, stopping any response Bitty may have made. They turned to see that, at some point, Lardo had snuck into the room and was now perched on the counter while she ate a hearty portion of pie. She spoke thickly through a bite. “It’s like, the patron site of shipping. Are you a shipper, Bitty?”

“No,” Bitty protested, even as his cheeks reddened slightly. Okay so maybe he’d looked over a few post concerning a certain pair of superheroes that piqued his interest but that didn’t make him a shipper; he just was really really rooting for them was all and it was nice to see he wasn’t alone. “I’ve decided to branch out a bit a make a baking blog and this seems to be a really good site for---”

But just then, Holster interrupted him by voicing the question that would drag the house into madness in the near future.

“Wait, what’s shipping?”

 

A week later, Bitty fervently wished he’d never heard of tumblr.

Ever since Lardo had explained the concept of shipping to Ransom and Holster, it seemed like almost every occupant of the Haus (including any visiting frogs or, in Shitty’s case, alumni) had been bit by the shipping bug. Bitty wasn’t able to be in a room for what felt like minute before someone started bickering over who belonged with who. Luckily most of these arguments were almost like idle gossip and reminded Bitty vaguely of the ladies at church when they got to talking about who was single around town but there were those who took their ships very seriously.

Ransom and Holster were of course the worst offenders.

_“Dude, Jon and Daenerys can’t be together, she’s his aunt!”_

_“Oh sure, play the incest card, but you’re totally okay with Jamie and Cersei?”_

_“Well, at least Jamie and Cersei know what’s up. Jon and Daenerys don’t have a freaking clue their related! That’s like, a consent issue or something!”_

But this wasn’t even the worst of it.

 

“They aren’t even shipping people now, Jack,” Bitty exclaimed, waving his hands in exasperation. “They’re---they’re shipping random things like my oven with the couch!”

Unable to take the madness anymore, Bitty had sent out an S.O.S. in order to be rescued from ship central a.k.a. the Haus for the weekend. Jack, sweetheart that he was, had driven up as soon as he was out of practice on Friday to rescue him without question. He’d even taken them to Bitty’s favorite market down in Providence to pick up some relaxation baking ingredients even though he had to be exhausted. 

They were currently sitting in Jack’s living room, cuddled up on the couch while some quickly ignored game tape played on the TV and a cobbler cooled in the kitchen. Jack, who had been listening with that perfect level of interest that came naturally to him, perked up at this. 

“They did what?” he asked, amusement filling his voice. It was clear he wanted to laugh but was suppressing the urge for Bitty’s benefit. 

Bitty huffed and shook his head. “They’ve decided they wanted to start ‘shipping’ Betsy and that disgusting couch,” he grumbled. He still couldn’t believe it. “I mean, the insanity of wanting two inanimate objects to be in a relationship aside, the _couch_?! My Betsy is a lady, she would never be caught dead anywhere near that cesspool of a sofa.”

A smile curled at Jack’s lips before he tried to look serious. “I don’t know, Bits. It seems like a very compelling drama to me. A Romeo and Juliet style romance in fact.”

“Oh really,” Bitty said, wriggling around (quite gracefully, thank you very much) to raise a brow at Jack. His lips pursed into a thin line at the continued slander against his beloved oven. “And just why do you think that?”

“Well,” Jack said, reaching forward to finally turn off the tape he wasn’t actually watching. The TV switched to the local news. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s a classic forbidden romance. Once upon a time there was a lovely southern belle, pretty and beloved by everyone who met her and her name was Betsy.”

Snorting, Bitty rolled his eyes but he ultimately decided to let Jack continue. They still had some time to kill before his cobbler was cool enough to eat. So why not see where this crazy boy went with this?

“Betsy had a great life with a father, a dashing southern gentleman who doted on her completely.”

Okay, Bitty had to give him that, that was accurate. Further brownie points were earned by Jack’s use of ‘dashing’ to describe him. Not that Bitty was grading this little story since it was absolutely ridiculous.

“But you see, Betsy felt like there was more to life that baking delicious desserts and other foods. She knew that something was missing,” Jack continued, his voice getting more and more dramatic as time passed. Bitty felt a bit put out that he was _actually_ getting drawn into Jack’s tale. “Then one fateful day during a spring cleaning, she met the Sofa.”

“The Sofa was nothing like what Betsy had seen before. He was an older man, a fact that definitely added to Besty’s interest in him, but what really enticed her was that the Sofa came from a completely different world than her own.”

“A living room more like it,” Bitty muttered. This earned him an indignant glare from Jack so he stifled his giggle and motioned for Jack to continue.

“As I was saying,” Jack said haughtily, “Besty knew in that instant that she and the Sofa were meant to be but there was a problem. Her dashing southern gentleman of a father would _never_ allow them to be together.”

Bitty sat up, insulted. “Now just wait here a minute,” he exclaimed. His arms waved wildly at this accusation. “How am _I_ the problem? They are are in completely different rooms of the house That is certainly not my fault.”

“Because it’s part of the story,” Jack said matter of factly, pulling Bitty to sit back in his lap again. “Knowing that she’ll never be able to change her father’s mind or be able to go against his wishes, Betsy and the Sofa vow to love each other always despite being apart all the time.”

Okay, now that last bit hit a little too close to home. And that is definitely the reason Bitty began feeling a bit emotional, it has nothing to do with this cockamamie story about his stove and that horrid sofa.

At least that’s what he told himself.

“Well, that is sad,” Bitty grudgingly admitted. He grabbed Jack’s hand and started toying with his fingers in an attempt to control his emotions. “I’m not saying I buy into any of this nonsense, mind you, but the general situation makes me sad.”

If Jack took the hint, he didn’t mention it but his voice softened as he continued. “But it’s not as bad as you think,” he said as he rested his chin on Bitty’s shoulder. “Betsy and the Sofa got to see each other at twice a year when the Haus was cleaned and on rare special occasions when cleaning needed done. They learned to cherish the time they had together so they could remember the good times while they were apart.”

Bitty swallowed hard. Well, shoot. Now he was all kinds of worked up and over what, a made up story about his oven and the sofa being lovers separated by their lot in life?

“But eventually they end up together, right?” Bitt asked, unable to stop the words bursting forth. They both know this wasn’t about Jack’s ridiculous story anymore and Bitty could see the understanding in Jack’s eyes when he turned to face him. “I mean, you know I don’t like stories with unhappy endings, sweetpea.”

Jack’s eyes softened and he smiled before cupping Bitty’s cheek. “Of course they do, bud. One day, the dashing southern gentleman comes to his senses and decides that the kitchen could do with extra seating and he declares that the Sofa will be moved.” He paused and leaned forward to kiss Bitty on the cheek. “And then Betsy and the Sofa got to spend the rest of their lives together.”

Now, gosh darn it, now Bitty was tearing up.

“Well, that um, that was certainly quite the tale, Mr. Zimmerman,” Bitty said, rubbing at his eye (which was tired and most certainly not a bit watery). He stood up, planning to retreat to the kitchen to gather himself. “But I think it’s a bit of a tall one. Any old how, how about I go and serve us up some cob--”

Bitty’s attempt to scurry out of the room was stopped by a hand around his arm. He turned back to see Jack standing behind him. His expression was a distinctly Jack combination of seriousness and nerves. 

“I don’t think it’s a tall tale,” Jack said quietly. His hand slid from Bitty’s arm down to interlace their fingers. They both looked down at their linked hands. “I think it’s very possible, at least I hope it is.”

That was just about enough of that and Bitty couldn’t take it anymore.

Dropping Jack’s hand, Bitty surged forward and wrapped his arms around Jack’s shoulders. He was so overwhelmed that he didn’t even notice when Jack lifted him off the ground. Not that he cared, he was wrapped in those big old arms and it felt amazing.

“I hope so too, Jack,” Bitty said. His voice was muffled by Jack’s should but he knew Jack had heard him by the brief squeeze around his middle. Taking a big breath, Bitty shimmied so that Jack put him down. He beamed up at him, blinking away the bit of wetness at his eyes. “Now, enough of this nonsense. I’ve got a cobbler callin’ our names and I think we’ve both earned some.”

“Sounds good, Bits,” Jack said, his face soft and warm, as he followed him to the kitchen where Bitty proceeded to serve up hearty portions of cobbler, nutritionists be damned. 

They didn’t talk about the unspoken meaning they’d taken away from Jack’s story after that but Bitty had the feeling they’d both gotten something off their chests. Something that they’d both needed apparently. The only evidence of their understanding were the small smiles they’d given each other over the rest of the night and the way Jack seemed to hold him even closer that night when they went to bed.

They also never spoke of Bitty’s inexplicable conversion to the Betsy/Sofa ship.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear on all that is holy, I set out to write a crack fic about the boys getting into shipping and Jack teasing Bitty with an outlandish overly-romanticized tale of the saga of Betsy the stove and the Sofa. I _did not_ expect all these feels! Or the weird relationship parallel!


End file.
